How more connection can literally save your life.
How more connections can save your life.
In recent months we’ve all been subject to lock downs, self-isolation or quarantines in one way, shape or form. And some still are. There is an immediate and devastating health crisis and it is critical that we heed the advice - or rules - so we can keep ourselves and each other safe. There are aspects of lockdown that some of us even welcome - Netflix, some nice wine and a tub of chocolate ice cream. But here’s the thing - in addition to COVID-19 it turns that long term isolation and ostracism is also really, really bad for your health.
Would you more worried about a friend or a colleague who told you they had taken up smoking, or that they had stayed in by themselves all weekend? You’d probably get them some nicotine patches before you’d address the loneliness - but almost one in four Australians experience loneliness - it can be as bad for us as smoking. Our need to belong is not being met … and it’s killing us.
So, why is connection to community so important? #belongingisbetter
My unofficial job title is “Head of Making Friends”. I’m a community specialist, university teacher and coach with an interest in the science behind building communities. Every day I work with people on how best to help us all connect.
I think that part of the answer to the loneliness epidemic is connection to community. In fact, research tells us that a sense of belonging to our community is a basic, psychological need and can significantly impact our overall well-being, leading to happier, longer lives.
If you’ve listened to The Missing Piece Podcast where I interview the likely and not so likely experts about how they build community, then you’ll know I am all about finding the practical takeaways from the sometimes dry academic research.
So how do we get more of this belonging stuff in our everyday lives?
Firstly, you are probably already part of more communities than you think
If you go back over the events of your day and week, what were the groups that you’ve participated in? You may have chatted with parents at the school drop off or in a fb group, or enjoyed a virtual morning tea with colleagues. Although many of us in today’s remote working, drive everywhere, digitally connected world find that we can go for hours, or days without seeing anyone. And if this is the case for you, or if you are a member of lots of communities yet still looking for that belonging connection then these three top tips are for you.
Community tip #1 – Find out who’s talking about community
When you are looking for communities to actively participate in - whether online or face-to-face- its important to look for people who are talking about how important community is to them. When I was looking to kick start my fitness this year, I went in search of a new gym and found the fabulously welcoming Hybrid training. While some gyms focus on the personal goals you want to achieve, Hybrid training put community right at the top of their mission and that message is all over their website. They talk about community as one of their three main pillars – because we all need support and accountability when we are striving towards our goals – and it makes the workouts a lot more fun too! Or so they keep telling me :) And the research backs up the link between striving towards a common goal and a sense of belonging to community. So, while I get my daily fitness fix, I also feel part of the gym community and get my daily dose of connection too.
Community tip #2 – Go where everybody knows your name….
We’ve come to view a daily coffee ritual as something of a luxury and privilege. But, when you are looking for a regular spot for your morning socially distanced caffeine hit, are you thinking about getting a shot of community alongside your latte? My coffee en route to work stop off is The Steam Tank and I go out of my way to this train side coffee hang out not just because they make delicious coffee. And oh my word they do! But also because they intentionally create a huge sense of community around their tiny café. They make the effort to get to know their customers, know everyone’s name and there is always a lively chat to join in with. In fact, taking time to build quality human interaction is backed by the research as something that really helps to boost community. They even have impromptu dress up days where you’ll find them all in Hawaiian shirts or silly hats. At least, I think that’s what that’s all about….It all adds up to being a great spot to boost your connection before you start your day.
Community tip #3 - Think rituals, mottos and bean bags!
We spend so much time at work and its one of the best places to find community – even if we don’t all work at Google! The good news is though that once you know what to look for, you can either find a job somewhere that already has a great community or create more of it where you are! And for all of us remote workers too, choosing workspaces and other places where we can boost connection is vitally important.
You might not have noticed, but the thing is, rituals, symbols and memorable mottos have a role to play in making us feel part of a community. As McMillan and Chavis tell us, common symbols, as simple as a logo, or even words, ideas and signs that have meaning, represent the social bond between group members and play an important part in “creating and maintaining a sense of community”. At Google for example their unofficial motto is “don’t be evil” and they have a regular “Thank God it’s Friday” Q & A sessions with bosses. So, it’s not just the communal kitchens, bean bags and flexible working that supports workplace community (although they help too). Looking for places to work that have strong mission, regular inclusive rituals like the good ol’ morning tea and an open honest culture can make your working hours community boosting hours.
What one thing will you do today to connect you with your community?
We know that with the current health crisis it’s vitally important to heed the official advice about self-isolation - but in the long term, don’t ignore the power of connection. Start with the one thing you can do today that will level up your belonging and start that happier, longer life. Join an online book club, instigate a regular ritual online catch-up with some colleagues or start googling people in your area who are talking about community and get involved!
Let me know how you go.
Share your tips for finding community #belongingisbetter
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